Wednesday, June 04, 2008


"For more than 90 years "Hallmark" has designed greeting cards for life special moments.

I'd like to rant about the four issues I have with store-bought greeting cards, like those produced by Hallmark in the millions.

The first is the price. On average, $4-$5 for a folded piece of a card with a stock photo and humdrum messages seems just a little overpriced to me.

Second, the messages themselves are so generically impersonal some times, I have a hard time believing you couldn't write something better yourself that's really from the heart. That's why, if I am absolutely in a rush and have no time, I'll buy a blank card and write the verse myself.

Third, the printing of the price on the back of the card, I know, I'm not cheap. But it's the first thing people look at when they're shopping for cards. It's kind of a "yes, I like that person...but only enough to buy this $5 card."

That person casually glances at the back of the card you do buy and says "hmm, they like me...I'll be moving them up my blackberry speed dial list."

Finally, it's the occasions now available:

* Congratulations on taking the toll road this morning

* Sorry to hear your ex-wife got remarried

* You had your bladder removed, and your on the mend... here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of depends

* Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy
"Cause when I had mine, I got real snippy "

* Your computer is dead, it was once so great...
Don't you regret installing Windows "98?"

* You totaled your car, and can't remember why...
could it have been that case of Bud Dry?

* "As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts
you've given me. Like the need for therapy..."

If you can think of it, there's a card for it.

Argh... Sorry, rant over!"

Now back to finding that perfect Hallmark Birthday card just for you.

Happy Birthday
Freedom Of Speech Staff