Monday, December 31, 2012

MAYOR GAHAN'S NEW YEARS THOUGHTS & RESOLUTIONS...

SUBMIT A RESUME IF YOUR RELATED TO JEFF GAHAN

START A RUMOR THAT THERE ARE GIANT ALLIGATORS IN THE SEWERS, AND GEORGE LUCAS WILL MAKE A MOVIE AND WE'LL FINALLY GET NEW SEWERS

ORDER 36,000 T-SHIRTS PRINTED WITH "I AM A ONE TERM MAYOR"

 SUPER GLUE ALL OF THE OLD POLICE CARS BACK TOGETHER AND SALE THEM "AS IS" TO JEFFERSONVILLE

ENTER SEVERAL OF THE CITY COUNCIL MEETING TAPES TO "AMERICA'S FUNNIEST VIDEO'S" (JUST MAYBE WE'LL WIN THE $100,000 PRIZE)

 LIST/SALE THE CITY OF NEW ALBANY ON EBAY

MAKE "BUD LITE" THE OFFICIAL BEER OF NEW ALBANY

DECLARE THE BANK STREET BREW HOUSE AN ARCHEOLOGICAL DIG. AND IT WILL CREATE TOURISM AND GROWTH DOWNTOWN. AND NEW ALBANY WILL FINALLY BE ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL.

MAKE "BARBECUED BOLOGNA AND WHITE CHILI" THE OFFICIAL ENTREES OF THE 2013 HARVEST HOMECOMING FESTIVAL

BUY YOUR OWN PERSONAL "POT HOLE" FOR $5.00 A MONTH AND "WATCH IT GROW."

CHANGE THE WELCOME TO NEW ALBANY'S SIGN TO: "DON'T MOVE HERE, YOU CAN'T AFFORD ALL THE EXTRA FEES."

ORDER "DON'T BLAME ME,  ENGLAND DID IT" PRINTED ON ALL OFFICIAL CITY STATIONERY.

TO HELP RAISE MUCH NEEDED FUNDS FOR NEW ALBANY. PLEASE SUPPORT OUR NEW "BUY A DOWNTOWN BAR PROGRAM" FOR 2013. APPLY TODAY!

HAPPY NEW YEARS
Freedom  of Speech Staff

Monday, December 24, 2012

SANTA OBAMA IS COMING TO TOWN....

Oh  you better not work.
You better NOT earn.
I'm telling you why.
Obama Claus is coming to town.

He'll give you a free cell phone.
Say Obamacare is great.
He'll tell you being a success
is something you should hate.

Oh you better NOT work.
You better NOT try.
You better NOT earn.

I'm telling you why.
Obama Claus is coming toooo town.

Merry Christmas

DEAR FREEDOM OF SPEECH....

Mr. Obama,

Bring me some toys.
Just like you've given the other girls and boys
I need a bailout from my head to my toes
Just like the other guys with the brown noises!
Obama, I feel kinda sick 
Just need a pick me up from good Ole' St. Nick
Just want my healthcare to be free and 
let the government take care of me.

Season Greetings

Saturday, December 22, 2012

DO YOU KNOW A GRINCH?

Every family and/or circle of friends has at least one person who hates the holidays.

This person starts to get cranky right after Halloween and doesn't stop moaning until after New Years. It's a too-cool-for-family-celebrations or the too-good-for-a-mainstream-holiday intellectual.

This person hates the lights, the mistletoe, the eggnog and even the presents. But most of all, they hate that sappy holiday cheer.

Bah, humbug, indeed.

But don't let "I hate holidays" types get you down, especially when you're tasked with buying them gifts.



We say: get over yourself Grinch, you give gifts because you want to, not because you have to!

Merry Christmas Grinch

Friday, December 21, 2012

TOP 10 COMMENTS.....

Top 10 Comments made By The Reindeer During Their Xmas Flight...

10. "Sheesh! What's he been eating this year? ROCKS?"

9. "He shouts all our names all the time, sure, but do you really think he knows which one is which?"

8. "I never knew Donner had a tattoo THERE..."

7. "Sure...His seat is a flotation device. What about us?"

6. "Tried those new lite oats? You really should."

5. "Man, I hope we pause on a rooftop soon. I'm beat..."

4. "Hey! Watch the antlers there, buddy!"

3. "Did you hear you-know-who got a nose job?"

2. "You know, after a few hundred miles, these jingling bells really get on my nerves!"

And Finally...

1. "So, you want to go someplace afterwards for some reindeer games?"

Merry Christmas

Thursday, December 20, 2012

CHRISTMAS HUMOR -THINGS NOT TO SAY...

Things Not To Say When Hanging The Lights On The Christmas Tree...

Did you know that hanging lights on a Christmas tree is one of the three most stressful situations in an on-going relationship?

Psychiatrists claim the other two danger zones are teaching your mate to drive and wallpapering. They are rarely wrong on these things.

"You've got two red lights right next to each other, dummy. Your supposed to go yellow, green, red, blue, not yellow, red, red, green, blue..."

"Up a little higher. You can reach it. Go on, try."

"What the hell do you do to these lights when you put them away every year? Tie them in knot?"

"Come away from that aluminum ladder, kids. I'm going to fry that dad of yours."

"If you're not going to do it right, don't do it at all. Don't just throw them on, like you do the icicles. You're worse than your father."

"Give me that!"

"I don't care if you have found another two strings, I'm done!"

"Have you been drinking?"

"Where's the cat?"

Merry Christmas

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

SIGNS YOUR KIDS...

Sign Your Kids Don't Like Their Christmas Presents...

Spelled out in Legos on the front lawn are the words "YOU'RE CHEAP!!!".

Moments after they unwrap gifts, you see them for sale on E-Bay.

You wake up and find the head of Elmo in your bed.

Your son simply refuses to understand why you couldn't get him two hours alone with Shania Twain.

They ask, "Where did you buy this stuff -- Crap 'R' Us?"

Season Greeting!

Sunday, December 16, 2012

CHRISTMAS HUMOR...FREEDOM OF SPEECH HOLIDAY E-MAILS!

We have received many humorous Christmas emails and decided to share with our many readers. We like many of you are busy with Christmas wrapping , decorating and working on other postings. So enjoy...

Holiday Office Memo

To: All City Employees
From: City Operation Manager
Subject: Office conduct during Christmas season

Effective immediately, city employees should keep in mind the following guidelines in compliance with FROLIC (the Federal Revelry Office and Leisure Industry Council).

1. Running aluminum foil through the Mayor's paper shredder to make tinsel is discouraged.

2. Playing Jingle Bells on the push-button phone is forbidden (it runs up an incredible long distance bill) and you know how the blogs are tearing us up over taxpayers paying high phone bills. We highly recommend that you use your Department Heads' Cell Phone.

3. Work requests are not to be filed under "Bah humbug." It confuses the Mayor.

4. Police cars are not to be used to go over the river and through the woods to Grandma's house.

5. All fruitcakes is to be eaten BEFORE July 25. (This was part of the contract package.)

6. Egg Nog will NOT be dispensed in the mayor's water cooler this year.

In spite of all this, the staff is encouraged to have a Happy Holiday.


HAPPY HOLIDAYS
FROM CITY ADMINISTRATION


Freedom of Speech would like to thank the employees who submitted this from the City County Building.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday to all of you.

Friday, December 07, 2012

TAKE A MINUTE ~ MAKE THIS CALL....

Call your representative & ask them to COSPONSOR HR 824 the Wolf Resolution to create a House Select Committee on the terrorist attack in Benghazi.

Call: 202-225-3121

Monday, December 03, 2012

PACK A PARACHUTE....

Geithner Proposal

* Increase top marginal rates, capital gains & dividends - $960 Billion

* Additional tax increases - $600 Billion

* 2009-level estate tax

* Multi -year stimulus at least $80 billion in FY 2013

* Extend Unemployment Benefits

* Permanent increase in debit limit

Freedom Of Speech would like to say:

Folks, there is NOT a tax problem in our country but there is a "spending" problem! The Obama Liberals can whine until MySpace comes back in style. This "Fiscal Cliff" is nothing more than an Obama's scare tactic. 

We say let the fiscal cliff happen.

Some negotiator Geithner is. This man failed to pay his own taxes for years and he has the "balls"

to want to raise taxes on others how so Democrat of him....

We would suggest people "pack a parachute" unless Obama blinks.